After writing my blog on forgiveness last week, I had an epiphany about one of the aspects of forgiveness that I wanted to share with you. I hope that this will help you if you are unable to forgive someone or yourself.
As I was thinking about the people in my life that I needed to forgive, I began thinking about all the things that I have done in my life that others might want to forgive me for. I have been rude, mean, demeaning, wrong, made huge mistakes, and out of integrity many times in my life, to many people. How could I hold others to a higher standard of behavior, and find it hard to forgive them, when I have done horrible things too.
In those instances where I have wronged someone else, it was always about my own dysfunctions, insecurities, and short comings; it was never about them. Understanding that, doesn't it make sense that when someone has wronged me that it was only about their own dysfunctions, insecurities, and short comings, and not about me?
Once again, we should never take anything personal....because it never is. Doesn't it make it easier to forgive someone when you understand that it was never personal to begin with? Doesn't forgiveness seem easier when you know that it was never about you anyway?
Remember that forgiveness is not condoning a persons bad behavior, or making them right. It is a letting go of the anger, resentment, and rage, that you may be holding onto. It is the understanding that these emotions will only serve to hold you back in your life. It is the knowledge that when you forgive, you set yourself free of being a victim of that person. You understand that we are all human and that we all make mistakes. We need to forgive to be free.
I have forgiven people in my life that I don't necessarily choose to interact with. Forgiveness does not mean that you have to like that person. You don't ever have to talk to them or see them. Forgiveness is a way of freeing you from the bondage, that comes from holding onto anger and pain, caused by whatever your abuser has been done to you.
Always, always, try and forgive for your own best interest. Practice this sooner than later. The longer you hold on to the negative emotions, the harder it will be to let them go. Free yourself from your past, and forgive. Free yourself from any future conflict, and forgive. This is all about feeling healthy and whole.
As I have stated before....forgiving yourself is even more important, than forgiving others. Go back through your life and find the instances where you were out of integrity, or rude, or mean, or any time that you wronged someone else. Then, forgive yourself for those times. You are just like anyone else, human, and that means we all make mistakes. Let them go with forgiveness....forgiveness for yourself.
Practicing forgiveness is changing my life. It is something I wish I had done years ago, but I will forgive myself for not doing it until now!
Till Thursday,
Queenie
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