Last week I had you focusing on your thoughts, particularly you negative thoughts, and how you can shift those to a better thought. As I have told you before, we all have an average of 60,000 thoughts go through our heads every day, yet most of them are done in an unconscious manner. Many of these thoughts are trivial, or benign, such as noticing that a chair is red, or perhaps noticing that the mail arrived. The thoughts that we need to be more concerned with, are the ones that effect our moods, energy, and how we react.
Any thought that you have that is negative, like thoughts that are putting yourself down, or thinking that bad things might happen, are the ones that do not benefit you. These are the thoughts that you can change, and shift it to a thought that feels better. Remember, thoughts are things that create, so negative thinking is never the path to choose.
So this week I want to take it one step further. Let's talk about those thoughts that we have that may not seem negative, but are, like assumptions. I have spoken many times about the book, "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. This little book is brilliant, and I highly recommend it as a source to help you get on track with your thoughts.
One of the four agreements is, "Don't assume". Now if you are like me, and quite frankly like most people, you probably have done a lot of assuming in your thought process. For instance, have you ever assumed that something bad might happen? Have you ever assumed that someone was thinking something negative about you? Have you ever assumed that you would fail at something before you did it? If you have done this, and I am assuming you have (see how that works :>)), I can bet that most of the time the thing that you were assuming did not manifest.
When we assume something, we put ourselves through the emotions as if it has happened. Whether it is worry, fear, anger, or any other negative emotion, it is never beneficial for us to assume and then go through the emotions of a situation that has not yet happened. Some would say that when you assume something, you are actually helping that situation to happen. That is an arguable point, but either way assuming is an unnecessary waste of time. It is better to react to situations when they actually happen, rather than make them up in your head, react to the imaginary situation, and then assume it will happen in reality.
Another thing that we do in our thoughts, and again another of the four agreements, is to take things personally. This is such a hard thing to grasp, because we all take most things personally, even though they never are. It took me years to get this, but I realize now how true this statement is.
When someone is saying abusive things to us, we automatically take it personally, how could we not? Well if you understand that everyone communicates from their own experiences, their own insecurities, their own life situation, then we can understand that whatever they say or do, is about them, not anyone else.
Most of the time if someone is being rude, abusive, or mean to another, it is coming from what they have experienced. It is coming from how they feel inside, not about you. For instance, if your parent has belittled you, or told you you were anything but special, unique, and wonderful, I guarantee that your parent had been belittled, abused, or tormented by someone in their past. A person like this is acting out their dysfunction by projecting it onto those around them to help them feel better, to help them feel powerful. It is never about the other person, it is always personal to them.
You never know what has happened in a persons day, or in their life for that matter, that makes them say or do the things they say or do. Someone may have had a very bad day, and you come into their space where they direct all of their frustration onto you. It wasn't personal, you just happened to be there.
This is why nothing is ever personal. You can analyze your own life and look back at the times that you have lashed out at someone, or have been rude to someone else. Wasn't it always about how you were feeling? Wasn't always about you wanting that other person to feel bad like you do? Have you ever been in a space where you are feeling really good and happy, and then abused someone else? Probably not, because once again it is always personal to you how you behave, never about others.
If we are able to control out thoughts when it comes to thinking negatively, assuming something, or taking things personally, we can keep ourselves out of personal "hell" if you will. How much of our personal pain come from these three things? I can tell you in my experience with myself and those I have known, much of our personal suffering comes from this kind of thinking.
Your lesson for this coming week is to catch yourself when you are assuming, or taking things personally. These lessons will continue on for life, but this week is yours to begin the process. By practicing conscious thought, you can create the life you want, be the person you want, and succeed where you want. Remember that you are the main character, director, and producer in your own movie. Why not create the movie you want to see with conscious thought and actions. You can do it....