- I have been a teacher of fitness and health for thirty years. In 1989 I was certified for personal training with the National Acadamy of Sports Medicine. I had a gym in Santa Barbara for eight years. Co-owned and created a spinning bike company which manufactured bikes for five years. Also I have worked with nutrition companies for twenty years. Along with many wonderful non famous people I have trained many celebrities, and members of the Royal Family. My own athletic past consists of long distance running, long distance cycling, cross country skiing, down hill skiing, rollerblading, hiking, sand running, track work, and weight training. I have authored two fitness columns in local papers, and have been writing this blog since January 2010.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Dealing with Bullies!
Have you ever had to deal with a Bully? It is an experience that most of us have come across a time or two in our lives. The older you get, the more you run into them. There will always be bullies, and you can't change that, but you can change how you interact with them.
When we are young, particularly when we are teenagers, bullies are lurking somewhere ready to strike. They like to pick on others, degrade and humiliate others, and cause a disturbance if they can. When they do find a victim and create a scene, they feel powerful and in control. But the reality is, they are just insecure people with low self worth and low self esteem that are tying to find some kind of power in their sad little lives.
This is why they bully. It is their way of making others feel as bad as they do. They like it when others are upset and feeling horrible, because that is how they feel. Misery loves company you know.
Bullies like to feel powerful over others, because they don't really feel powerful over anything else, certainly not themselves. They usually have followers, and run in a pack. Controlling others by being mean and physically abusive gives them power....they think.
If you looked into the life of a bully, they probably have a life that is dysfunctional in some way. They might be abused at home, or degraded by a family member. They could be demoralized continually by someone they know. Whatever the issue is, I promise you, bullies are not coming from a functional, happy place.
So how should you deal with a Bully? First off try and take your ego out of the equation. This is not easy to do. When someone is saying ugly, horrible things to you to get you riled up, your first response is to defend yourself and get in their face. Not a good choice. You do not need to defend something someone else is saying that is not the truth.
By defending yourself you are saying to the Bully, "you are right". You will give them what they want by getting upset and responding to them. They want you to be upset. Bullies normally pick on someone who is less likely to be able to defend themselves. They prey on others that might seem weak or sensitive in order to gain some sense of control over them.
Sometimes groups of kids band together to bully someone who is different in some way. Maybe they look different, or have mannerisms that are not the norm, so they are made fun of and bullied. This can feel like torture to the one getting bullied, but in reality it is abuse from kids that have no right in treating another person in this way.
If you are being bullied, I would recommend that first you try and ignore them, and walk away from the situation by not giving the bully any attention. If they still persist, find an adult or person of authority that can intervene on your behalf. Let your parents, teachers, and counselors know what is going on. If you still get no response, which I find awful...but it happens, go to the police and let them take care of it.
We need to stop this in our schools. With the recent suicide of the teenage girl from being bullied, it is a reminder that the teachers, schools, and parents need to be teaching our kids about bulling, and what to do when you are bullied. We should not ignore this situation ever.
Where is respect, compassion, and kindness being taught anymore? These bullies need to be stopped and disciplined. We need to get back to raising our children with morals and values. If you are spending your time watching shows like "Bad Girls", "Jersey Shores", and "Housewives", I would choose again if I were you. You will not learn compassion, kindness, and respect from watching this kind of show.
So if you are being bullied, or are doing the bulling, choose to end this cycle. Remember, Bullies are people that are insecure and have low self worth.....don't validate them with your attention. Seek others for support if they persist. Don't let them win!