- I have been a teacher of fitness and health for thirty years. In 1989 I was certified for personal training with the National Acadamy of Sports Medicine. I had a gym in Santa Barbara for eight years. Co-owned and created a spinning bike company which manufactured bikes for five years. Also I have worked with nutrition companies for twenty years. Along with many wonderful non famous people I have trained many celebrities, and members of the Royal Family. My own athletic past consists of long distance running, long distance cycling, cross country skiing, down hill skiing, rollerblading, hiking, sand running, track work, and weight training. I have authored two fitness columns in local papers, and have been writing this blog since January 2010.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Boys, Boys, Boys....What to Do?
Boys and men....this is a subject that will consume you when you are young....and from my interactions with "all" of my female clients, friends, and acquaintances, young and old, for much of your life.
I wish I had all of the time back that I have spent in my life thinking about and working on having that "special" relationship with a guy, believing that it would make me happy.
If I had spent that time getting a masters degree, or planning my career goals, working on self improvement, I would not have floundered as much as I did. If I would have known that true happiness does not come from a having a relationship with another person, it comes from the relationship you have with yourself.
I know that much of this attention we put on having that relationship is hormonal and biological, but I also believe a great deal of it is societal. We are brainwashed from birth to believe that having that "special" relationship is the most important thing in life! The brainwashing comes in the form of movies, songs, holidays, and books, that send a message to us that we need to find that one special love to complete us.
The truth is, You are complete already, and you can survive without someone else, even though most of us don't want to. The poems, songs, movies, and books that tell a story about a love so amazing that you will die without it, is hogwash. No matter how much you love, you will not die without it. There may be feelings of severe sadness and loss, but you will not die. Life will go on no matter what relationship ends, and you will survive and most likely find a new love to obsess over.
I believe that we all need to work on ourselves first, before we jump into a lifelong commitment to another. If you are dealing with low self worth, low self esteem, or other personal issues that are holding you back from being who you would like to be, this is not the time to get into a relationship. You will only be able to attract someone with like issues, and or someone who will validate your issues for you.
For instance; I had low self worth for much of my younger life, and the men who I attracted into my life would cheat on me, belittle me, and treat me badly. I could have never attracted a "together" guy when I had such personal issues, because that kind of guy would never have been attracted to a female who had such low self worth. That kind of guy would only be attracted to a female who was more together herself. Get it?
You need to be the person you want to be with. In other words, if you want someone honest, loyal, kind, intelligent, fun, etc., you need to be those things to be able to attract someone of the same ilk. If you lie and cheat, don't expect to find someone who is otherwise. Get it?
If you think you are going to find your true love at seventeen or eighteen years old, the odds are highly against you. First of all, you really don't know who "You" are yet, and certainly have not had the experience to know who you want to be with. Now I know there are exceptions to this rule, but they are just that, exceptions.
Two out of three marriages end in divorce...that says it all. People get married young thinking they know what they want, they have children thinking they have this perfect situation, and then a few years down the road realize they don't want to be married to this person and it ends with a divorce and children that become damaged from it.
Give yourself time to get to know who "You" are and who "You" want to be with. Work on yourself to be the person that you like so that you can attract the person that you want. Don't buy into the illusion of what the movies, songs, and books tell us. Find what works for you and what can stand the test of time.
If you are in a relationship where you are always trying to change the person you are with, or they are always trying to change you, you are in the wrong relationship.
If it is happiness you want in your life, find it in yourself first, then another person will enhance your life, not be your life. This is a much healthier approach to finding someone to share in your life's journey with....take your time, learn, grow, and be who you should be, before you commit to someone else.