- I have been a teacher of fitness and health for thirty years. In 1989 I was certified for personal training with the National Acadamy of Sports Medicine. I had a gym in Santa Barbara for eight years. Co-owned and created a spinning bike company which manufactured bikes for five years. Also I have worked with nutrition companies for twenty years. Along with many wonderful non famous people I have trained many celebrities, and members of the Royal Family. My own athletic past consists of long distance running, long distance cycling, cross country skiing, down hill skiing, rollerblading, hiking, sand running, track work, and weight training. I have authored two fitness columns in local papers, and have been writing this blog since January 2010.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
How Do We Deal With Family Trauma?
Working closely with people for nearly thirty years now, I have seen and been involved with my students and clients personal lives. If you are alive and breathing, you will have had, or will have personal family crisis at some point in time.
How do we deal with these times? One of my recommendations is to not take it personally. (See blog on Four Agreements) This is not an easy thing to understand or do, but remember that what others do, is never personal to you, it is personal to them.
If you have a parent that is out of integrity with the marriage, or your parents decide to divorce, it will feel horrible and very personal. You can not own or be responsible for what anyone else does, including your parents. You can however, take care of yourself during such a difficult time.
As much as you would like to change what has happened, and make decisions for your family, it will most likely not be in your power. You can only choose how you react and feel about it. You can do things to help yourself feel better, and know that you did nothing or are responsible for what has happened.
So what are some of the things that you can do to help yourself feel better? I have discussed the practice of meditation several times in this blog. (see past blogs on meditation) Meditation is a great tool to use when you are feeling stressed, fearful, and alone. This is where you can focus on good things happening, helping the people that you love, and relieving your pain. It can help get you out of the hopeless state that you might be feeling.
Another thing to choose is to exercise. Remember that when you exercise you will release endorphins into your body. These endorphins are like natural sedatives for your body, and will actually calm you and relieve the stress, anger, and sadness that you might be feeling.
Having a friend to talk to is always a good thing. Someone who is there to listen and support you through your difficult time is a gift. You might have a teacher or relative that could lend an ear and a shoulder for you as well. It is always healthy to talk about your fears and upsets to someone you trust.
There are an abundance of books that can help you in these difficult times. There are books written specifically for teens dealing with the divorce of their parents. There are books for dealing with family dysfunction and other types of family trauma for teens. Just look online for whatever it is you might be having trouble with, and you will find a source.
The worst thing that you can do is to take on the responsibility of what is going on and then do nothing. Be proactive to help yourself get through the situation with positive and productive choices. We can not stop bad things from happening, but we can choose to do good things for ourselves.
Life is full of wonderful things, but it also is sometimes sad, scary, and difficult. Those are the times that you can choose to take control of how you deal with it. Choose to take care of yourself and become stronger for it.
Its not what happens to us that matters, it is how we deal with it that will make the difference in our life.